Airborne Video Recorders, Cameras, and Systems

Max's introduction to the helicopter

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black duck
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Max's introduction to the helicopter

Postby black duck » Tue Dec 22 2009, 02:27

I may be using a bit of literary licence here, but there is a helicopter in the story, admittedly only in a minor role. Anyway this is one of the funniest stories I've heard. I only hope I can do it justice.
Max is someone who is best described as a living, breathing Mr Bean. Having worked with Max, I can vouch for the voracity of this story.
Max grew up in a small provincial town in Northern Italy. At the time this event took place he was an eleven year old and performing duties as an Alter boy at the local church.The day in question was a fine sunny Sunday and the towns folk were of course at church celebrating mass ( at this juncture I would like to apologise to those of the Catholic faith for my ignorance of the finer points regarding the traditional mass). On this occasion Max's task was to swing the incense holder, which to my uninformed eye looks something like the mace that knights of yore use to bat each other about the scone with.
As the mass progressed, Max, as eleven year olds do, became bored and his mind began to drift, his hips began to gyrate and the pendulus motion of the incense holder increased. The further Max slipped into his reverie the greater became the oscellations, both his and the incense holders. this further developed to the point where the incense holder was performing full rotations. On and on it went with the speed increasing exponentially until eventually the god of centrifugal force took command.
Now as we all know, centrifugal force is directly proportional to mass, velocity and radius, ie (Fc=MV2/r). At some point this force was going to over come Max's grip and of course the inevitable happened. With the incense holders rotational speed approaching 100%, Max's grip failed and the incense holder was released on it's first and only free flight! With all eyes in the congregation watching (somewhat like a crowd at a tennis match I should imagine!) the incense holder/aircraft described a perfect, high parabolic arc and crash landed in the pews five rows back. It's choice of a forced landing site was a tad unfortunate, it happened to be the lap of a somewhat elderly lady. During the heavy landing, substatial damage was sustained and the structural integrity of the acft. was compromised. This allowed the contents of the acft.(hot glowing incense embers) to be spread over the crash site, ie; one severly shocked and surprised elderly lady. As it was Summer the lady in question was wearing a light nylon dress, this immediately caught alight and the poor unfortunate woman was lit up like a blow torch! Max, being suddenly shocked from his day dream sprang into action! And leaping the four intervening pews, he proceeded to beat at the flames. This had an unexpected outcome, in that it now set his cassock alight!
Observing these prceedings, the Priest being a quick witted sort, reached for the first thing he could find, which happened to be a Baptisimal font full of holy water. The font however was carved from white marble in the shape of an oyster shell and weighed in at about 45kg. The priest, not being exceedingly robust was feeling the effects of this weight by the time he had reached the scene and to his lament his grip on the font slipped. Down it crashed! the poor woman was now not only suffering severe burns but also a broken arm and three cracked ribs! but at least the fire was out. As for Max he had managed to remove his flaming garment, sustaining burns to his hands in the process.
The local doctor was in attendance and he deemed the womans condition to be quite serious, enter the helicopter. both Max and the severely singed and beaten lady were bundled into the chopper for the ems flight to Milan. Max soon recovered from his scare and taking stock of surroundings began enjoying himself and by the end of the flight he had decided on his destiny! Yeah you guessed it, Max was going to be a helicopter pilot!
There were two happy out comes from this sorry saga, the lady fully recovered and Max? well, he eventually Joined the Army and began his flight training, but was soon deemed to be unsuitable (thank god!) and he decided his future lay elsewhere.
A word of caution though, be very carefull next time you jump on a charter boat. Max may be driving it!
Cheers,
BD.
"It's wabbit seathon! It' duck seathon! I dare you to shoot me now!"
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Pegs
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Re: Max's introduction to the helicopter

Postby Pegs » Tue Dec 22 2009, 09:38

damn I like charter boats too, thanks BD u have put me right off my gulf fishing trip :(
A good idea needs landing gear as well as wings to get off the ground.
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black duck
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Re: Max's introduction to the helicopter

Postby black duck » Tue Dec 22 2009, 10:44

no probs pegs he's in the south West. you've only got snappin' handbags to deal with! :D
"It's wabbit seathon! It' duck seathon! I dare you to shoot me now!"
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Pegs
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Re: Max's introduction to the helicopter

Postby Pegs » Tue Dec 22 2009, 11:03

Yeah big barstards too, and i only have a very small boat :!: Never mind, just let me know if he ever takes a job at Karumba OK? And i'll be sure to steer clear. :D
A good idea needs landing gear as well as wings to get off the ground.
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black duck
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Re: Max's introduction to the helicopter

Postby black duck » Tue Dec 22 2009, 13:30

You'll be needing something like this then, sharks are bloody big down our way! :D
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"It's wabbit seathon! It' duck seathon! I dare you to shoot me now!"
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Pegs
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Re: Max's introduction to the helicopter

Postby Pegs » Wed Dec 23 2009, 02:32

yes that one will do just nice, express post it too me will ya? I'm leaving tomorrow for the coast, on second thoughts keep it, after the flying today if i have too many more of these rums you might need it to come find us when we get lost in the gulf chasing them there fish! LMAO
cheers BD, don't work too hard.
:lol:
A good idea needs landing gear as well as wings to get off the ground.

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